I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
