It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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