It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
