She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
