We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you never un-have a 4some
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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