i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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