I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
