I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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