so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
