I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize