i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize