i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
