I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
