It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
