I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
