yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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