Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
His nipple licking is glorious
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