sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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