Pants 0. Shit 1.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize