i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
