hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm sobbing to NWA
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
