The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
