did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
