How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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