Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
