??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
