im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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