Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
