Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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