I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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