Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize