We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
