i jhust puked up my retainher.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
