So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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