hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
