If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
