good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
They have beer where we have blood.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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