The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Farmville is her only friend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
