I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
