She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
