do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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