I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
