we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
