i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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