it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
