his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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