i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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