respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
