Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
