mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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