just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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