how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
