State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
