my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize