Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i already hear my dad disowning me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
