I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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