If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
