Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this boner is exhausting
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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