Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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