whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
