he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
