hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
