he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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