my vag is so smooth its legendary
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
