if you like me you must not know who I am
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
