Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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